Arkansas

Trev and I left July 1 (I love that), for our nine-day odyssey across the country. I have to admit, my stomach was doing flips as I pulled out of the driveway, waving goodbye to Dad. He seemed happy for me more than sad. Mom, however... jeez mom, I'm not trying to break your heart! I'm just trying to live my dreams. Everyone has got to do it or they'll live with the regret of not trying. And you know I think these things through.

Anyhow, the day was hot an sticky, Gnarls Barkley (see previous post) was blaring, Trevor was aching from the numerous vaccines recently pumped through his body and my mind couldn't (and still can't) wrap around the idea of California. Over 2,000 miles away! But off we headed, humor good and spirit high.


Arkansas, of course, is where my grandmother, aunt and her family live just on Lake Hamilton. We spend the second on the lake... we even managed to get my grandma out on the party barge for a few hours! In the evening, we anchored the boat in quiet cove, drank a couple beers, floated in the water and talked existentialism and gambling (my brother lead the conversation, I'd say...). I love my dad's sister and her family. They're real people, hard working, loving, happy... A lot like my own family, I'd like to think.

We headed out the third, driving through the Ozarks toward Missouri. I know, this is north, not west, but we've got family to see! I should also say that we've (well, I've) decided to to take smaller routes as opposed to the freeway. So the westward part of the trip is, for the most part, spent on US-50. I highly recommend this route, by the by...

baby i've got to prove it

Man I love lyrics. Just read these... so relevant. "Going on" Gnarls Barkley

I’ve seen it with my own eyes
Obligated otherwise
Without the luxury of leaving
The touch and feeling of free
Is intangible technically
It’s something you’ve got to believe in

Connect the cause and effect
One foot in front of the next
This is the start of a journey.
And my mind is already gone
And the fear of the unknown
Somehow this doesn’t concern me

And you can stand right there if you want
But I’m going on
And I’m prepared to go it alone
I’m going on
To a place in the sun
That’s nice and warm
I’m going on
And I’m sure they’ll have a place for you too

Anyone that needs what they want
And doesn’t want what they need
I want nothing to do with
And to do what I want
And to do what I please
Is first of my to-do list

But every once in a while
I think about her smile
One of the few things I do miss
But baby I got to go
Baby I got to know
Baby I got to prove it

And I’ll see you when you get there
But I’m going on
And I’m prepared to go it alone
I’m going on
May my love lift you up to the place you belong
I’m going on
And I promise I’ll be waiting for you

this is it

So this is it. I'm really doing it. I don't know if there were any nay-sayers out there to begin with, maybe just myself. But I think it's more important to prove to myself that I can do this. I will do this. I'm doing this! Everyone asks if I'm nervous, but I'm not. I'm so excited... it's all-consuming. I occasionally get these ideas in my head and they completely absorb, but this time it's real. I don't know if I can express how important this is. It doesn't matter what happens once I'm there, it's just that fact that I'll make it. After years of saying I would, of planning, of disappointment... Christ, this is it! 14 days before I venture out from the familiar.